Thomas The Turd Polisher and the Fat Controller

While Christopher Luxon ( the fat controller ) continued to take a calculated risk that he could mislead voters that his government was "working incredibly hard to reduce inflation and progress had been made", Thomas the Turd Polisher looked the other way at a pile of Treasury advice that had just been dumped at the NZ Herald's door.

Maybe there would be some way to blame Treasury for the giant mess National found itself in - if Thomas got all pedantic about a few words?

Forget about Luxon's words, which were tantamount to outright lies like we had all witnessed, what about blaming others?

Who can forget Luxon doubling down and repeating tax cuts would be "$250 per week for the average family with two kids" versus the reality of $250 per fortnight for only 3000 households?

Who could forget how Luxon repeated there would be only one store in Northland selling cigarettes if we don't repeal smokefree laws?

I reflected upon Luxon lying about fiscal cliffs and how all his budget programs would be base lined to four years, Luxon fibbing about how all $1.9 Billion of Corrections spending was Opex, and Luxon misleading us about it taking eight years to consent "a" windfarm while eight windfarms sat around already consented - but there being no market demand to build them.

Thomas the Turd Polisher sure had to look the other way, up at the ceiling, down in the corner, out the window, anywhere but at the fat controller - who let's face it - had to be polished if the newspaper headlines were to attract wealthy subscribers.

My personal favourite Luxon deception is when he repeats with media impunity that "domestic inflation is driven by government spending" rather than - non-tradable inflation is driven by construction, rates and rents - like the Reserve Bank Monetary Policy Statements tell us all.

It was time to ignore all that again as Thomas set to work sifting through Treasury advice rather than call out Christopher Luxon's blatant, credit stealing BS.

It was not long before Thomas concluded that Treasury may not be neutral.

Thomas had an "angle" for a headline.

The first day Treasury warned of a "structural deficit" was on 27 November 2023 - the day Luxon, Seymour and Wintson were sworn into power - and that term "structural deficit" had not been used before that.

Oh the tears and howling as Nat trolls blamed Labour, but Thomas explained how a structural deficit is "a very bad thing" and "eventually reality catches up" whether in "good times or bad".

Thomas did not mention the bad times Labour had to manage nor the economic uncertainty of those times.

Poor National, once again the victims - blaming somebody else for the "economic vandalism" and "gummint spending" it had inherited - cos there was no pandemic and no cyclone - not in any of Luxon's rhetoric and not in Thomas' calculations.

Everything was assumed to be constant and predictable ( like a cyclone ) and Treasury a suspect for not using these two words sooner ...because it was only when Willis took over from Grant - that the term"structural deficit" had been used.

In plain language - Thomas the Turd Polisher suggested that Treasury might be a left wing partisan political operator - despite how Treasury told the Herald that while it had not explicitly warned the previous Government of a structural deficit, “Treasury’s advice has shown for some time, including at the time of Budget 2023, that the structural balance was in deficit”.

While Thomas began typing a War and Peace epistle - about the curse of the structural deficit and Treasury's advice evolving over time - he failed to mention - Winston's Toilet Gender Bill and how it would be policed, the scourge of woke sushi on school kids, or secret coal miners meetings with the God of Wind - that were not in the ministerial diary of Pumpkin Head Jones.

None of those stories matched the revenue goals and target turd audience at the Herald - and after Thomas the Turd Polisher - finally concluded that Treasury were not neutral - he placed it behind his paywall and looked around for some one else to blame for the darkness - before the dawn.

Presto - Thomas found the fact that the Green Party investigation into Darleen Tama had taken eight weeks - not four as originally estimated.

It was not long before Thomas had crafted a target audience headline :

"Suspended Green MP Darleen Tana has missed half of Parliament sittings in 2024, on full pay".

The dogs of Dumbtown bared their fangs at the glass window - a Maori female on the take - was worse than a structural deficit cycling past in a Postie uniform - and they may now bark off the hook - for weeks over that...such was the prejudice in denial that coursed through their racist blue blood.

Yes the studious avoidance of the wrongs of the fat controller had become such a cavernous matter of Omission at the Herald that it was getting ridiculous to solely blame social media for misinformation.

While Richard Pebble marvelled at Sir Bill's "experimental" social investment fund, and Mark Mitchell had no evidence he would reduce gang numbers by patch bans, and Winston drank Kava while nobody mentioned defamation and nobody talked about the cost of all the new contractors in education - and what happened to reading recovery - and the sea of new bureaucrats the Ministry of Regulation would require - the fat controller made no apology for any of it.

Forget about that Court of Appeal ruling.

Never mind the minor mixup.

It's how the fat controller roles and leads.

It was all an exceptional job as he worked incredibly hard.

That worked for Thomas - as he spat and polished that turd up.

The fat controller had shown strength wrote Thomas as media were still none the wiser about Fair Bargaining - and Fair Go and Sunday said Goodbye just like Melissa Lee.

Who is to blame?

Not the fat controller.

This was what journalism was all about.

Thomas The Turd Polisher and the Fat Controller

Morena

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